We often struggle with being present with our families and in our businesses or work. We move through life lost to what is right in front of us.
My family and I have been experimenting the last few years with producing more and more of our own food. It is a fun and rewarding thing for me to do, but it can also be frustrating and time consuming. The last few years we have tried our hands at raising Bourbon Red turkeys. We have raised these turkeys from eggs to table. In peak season at our place last summer, I was caring for over a hundred birds with one hundred meat chickens and a dozen turkeys. My patience was thin and turkeys tested that patience.
One of our fiesty turkeys would spend all day pacing the fence trying to get out. It was like watching a fowl’s version of Shawshank Redemption; anything to get out of turkey jail. This little guy would find new ways to get out. It was so annoying. When this turkey would reach its jail break heaven and get out, it would spend the rest of the day trying to get back in. Back and forth, constantly pacing. It would be funny if I didn’t have to play “Catch the Turkey.”
Slap to the Back of the Head
One morning as I was going out to feed the turkeys, there was little Tom trying to get back in. I muttered under my breath, “Stupid turkey.” In that moment I felt God whispering, “You are just like that turkey.” Stupid? I pondered. I don’t think that’s what God was saying; at least I haven’t been called stupid by God yet. When I’m at work I think about being with my family and when I am with my family I think about work. Presence is missing and I’m just a gobbling fence runner, back and forth in my discontented little state. I have noticed that most people struggle with presence, maybe you struggle with presence too.
I wish that presence was as easy as “just do better,” but I have found it’s not. Like each time my mind wanders I could just stop. Stop it, done. No more running fence lines to get out or back in. A constant state of anxiety and pushing to get somewhere else to something else. This is not the life we are meant to live and there are some ways to be more present. Not perfect, however, not like Tom.
5 Keys to Becoming More Present
I’m Going to Remember This
I struggle to be present even in wonderful moments. My active mind won’t shut off from trying to solve problems. Goals are always out in front of this dream chaser and so I think about what I will do instead of being mentally at a birthday party or watching a movie. I go into full Tom mode. By the way, my neighbor’s name is Tom and he’s great, not at all like Tom the non present ignoramus turkey. Anyway, back to the dumb Tom turkey move that we all do. Missing milestones is a thing I know we all don’t want to do and there is a simple hack I learned that has brought me back to the beautiful now.
I simply say under my breath in moments, “I’m going to remember this.” This marker reminds myself that this is a big moment and I need to remember this. I need to be here to remember this. Let me repeat that, we need to be here to remember this. Multi-tasking is a Tom myth. Multi-tasking is for fence running gobblers, not powerful dream chasing men and women of God. Everyone in your circle needs the full version of you, not a mindless lump. Remember this by saying, “I will remember this.”
Technology Free Time Helps to be Present
I love technology, heck the only reason you are reading this is because of technology. Technology is awesome until it’s not. One of the reasons we struggle with presence is the go-go nature of technology. A lot of things that we want are at our fingertips in a moment. You can even get movies that are in the theater in the comfort of your own home the same day. No commercials and no waiting. It’s great and it’s a problem.
Boredom has been removed from our lives and so we are conditioned to move onto the next thing in our minds. That part is not great. We need to be okay with non activity in the brain to be able to be still in the moment. One way to work on this is to have parts of every day that has zero technology in them. I have found putting my phone away at certain points in the day and waiting a while to take my phone out has helped me to be okay with nothingness. It has become something I look forward to now even though the urge to entertain is still there. What are moments that you can be bored on purpose to have presence?
Accountability Helps Us To Be Present
I need help! Well maybe some mental help, but more than that I need people to walk alongside with. I need people to ask me how I’ve been doing with my practice of presence. It takes time to get better at being where our feet are. We will need others to encourage us and correct us when we spend a weekend at work and when we are physically with our families. Accountability helps in any area of our lives that is hard to change.
Community is always needed, especially when we fall down a lot. The practice of presence is an area that many of us will fail at several times; I know it doesn’t sound encouraging, but there is hope if we don’t give up. People are there to remind us when we fall down to press in and when we succeed give us an atta boy. In fact, the best gift is when we can be that encouragement and accountability for someone else as well.
Practice to Be More Present
We need to practice presence on a daily basis. Practice! Sometimes we try to go from a non present lump in full Tom mode, to full on in every moment and that won’t happen.
In time we can change our state to a more present one, however, some of us need more practice than others. I have found as I sit in silence for a few days looking at what is around me, I have been able to grow that time. Start at a managable time period and practice presence. Grow slowly and you will stop pacing the fence line as much.
Be Kind to Yourself
You will have ups and downs on this journey of life when you are trying to change. It’s why community and practice are so important. One area of change that we need to remember is to be kind to ourselves. We often show kindness to others a lot easier than we do to ourselves. Hold yourself in kindness as you try and change an ingrained habit for what is unnatural in our current world.
Mark victories and learn from mistakes. Perfection has never been the goal. Why do we shoot for stupid perfection; it’s another form of being a Tom. We pace the fence of regret instead of the fence of future. Hold yourself with an open hand. Our job is to not sit in judge and jury, but to focus on our part of the change process and allow God, the true change agent, to move in our lives.
What Now?
In every change we need to remember that we partner with God. He is the one that actually changes us. We can live out this list perfectly and be exhuasted, or we can do our part of the process and get a little less Tommy every day. Move with improvement as the goal as you cling to the Creator of the world to do the heavy lifting. Say you’re going to remember moments you want to remember, remove technology for moments, add accountability, practice, and be kind to yourself. You will be more present with time. Be blessed on your journey.
What helps you to be more present?