Making mistakes can reveal a lot of broken thought patterns to overcome. Tonight I was cooking up a storm; a beautiful, tasty shrimp pasta if I do say so myself. I wanted to do something nice for my wife, so I told her to not help and relax. Moving through the kitchen like a ninja, I karate chopped the kitchen cabinet that I had left open with the force of a thousand suns and broke the thing. This isn’t just any kitchen either. It’s my understanding, patient, and beautiful wife’s dream kitchen (she may or may not correct my work). Oh, it gets better guys. Yesterday I pulled forward too far in her newer van, another dream item, and bumped the curb. I’m as smooth as butter. I’m pretty sure she loves my focus and attention to detail. I know I feel fabulous. Okay, actually more like a failure.
Let me tell you about my thought process after these back to back suave moves because it may help you. When I broke the door and bumped the van, my first reaction was to look to my wife for reassurance. I search for her to lie to me and tell me, “It’s fine!” It wasn’t though and she didn’t get mad, but just sat there calmly. She’s calm, I’m not. Then, I went to blame. “If she would have helped I wouldn’t have been rushing.” I thought. Next, my sight set on the stupid, flimsy cabinets who should have held up to my hulk moves. Lastly, I sit in my failure because I can’t do anything right (sulking).
Broken Thoughts
At the end, broken things revealed in me my broken thought patterns. I look for reassurance of who I am. I then blame others for my lot in life. If that fails, it’s the systems around me. Finally, it’s just my luck because I’m flawed. Resonate with any of these thoughts?
Each one of us has broken thought patterns. These patterns plague our lives and do more damage than the mistakes usually will. Next time you make an error, record your thoughts. Some are probably so engrained you may think they’re true. News flash: they aren’t.
Three common broken thought patterns and the truth that every Christian should know.
Validation is a Broken Thought Pattern to Overcome
My first instinct is usually to turn to those I love to tell me I’m still lovable. Sounds innocent enough, but it’s not. As a Christ follower I believe with my head that God loves me and made me unique for a purpose , however, sometimes it’s easier for me to believe that about you than me. In my doubt I look to others to be what only God can be. What a terrible weight to ask them to carry. Not surprisingly this leads to arguments when we expect a perfect response to fill a need they were never meant to fill.
If your response like mine is to look to others to validate you, you’re not alone. Remind yourself of who has the power to validate; it’s God. Take the burden off of those you love who are humans like you and look to your Heavenly Father. He has some things to say about who you are. Here are a few:
Ephesians 2:10~ “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
Psalm 139:14 ~ “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
Jeremiah 1:5 ~ “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
Blaming is a Broken Thought Pattern to Overcome
Often I look to blame others for whatever has happened. In my smashing of a dream cabinet, I chose to blame my mistake on the lack of help. I rushed because no one was helping, maybe it was true. That’s the thing that’s difficult about blame; it may be partially true, but is it helpful?
In any situation involving others, there is my part and their part. When I focus on someone else’s part, I’m focused on things outside of my responsibility. I’m focused on things I cannot control and cannot change. This is the opposite of personal ownership and the opposite of helpful.
The truth is that focusing on my part is the only way to change anything. The part that we play is the only thing that God asks us to steward. When we get out of blame and instead walk in humility we can find freedom. In my situation, humility was saying, “I’m sorry for breaking her cabinet.” The end, nothing else matters.
System
After searching for a person to blame my eyes look for other things that can be at fault. Such as, traffic when I’m late or a cabinet that should have been okay with the force my knee put on it. I mean even now come on cabinet! I’m not Arnold Schwarzenegger or something. There is always something we can blame.
Blaming things is the same as blaming people. Things are outside of my control. Things are outside of my stewardship responsibility and may explain a bit of the puzzle, but not one that matters. There may be things that contribute to the problem, however, they are things we should account for and not things that we are victims to.
Radically Loved and Radically Responsible
Our minds are great at finding the solutions to the problems that we ask it. God wired us to be great problem solvers. The problem comes in when we are solving the wrong problem. Problems like what and who to blame? Problems like why am I a failure and screw things up? Your God given brain will give you solutions to the wrong problem.
Solutions in our life happen when I know in my brain and in my heart that God truly does love me no matter how big I messed up. When I am fully known and fully loved by God, I am not looking to someone or something to say who I am. Only then can we have peace and joy even when we run into broken things. In that assurance of who we are, we can live loved and find the strength to acknowledge where we messed up without judgment and blame. This confidence leads to quiet strength and we can be responsible and loved, fail and get back up. With love in our hearts and grace on our lips, we can overcome broken thought patterns. We can be loved and radically responsible.
What thoughts do you struggle with that are broken?