Month: January 2021

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Overcome Failure to Reach your Dreams

“I just love failing,”said no one ever and if they did, they are an insane in the membrane. We do not like to fail, but failure is part of the dream chasing journey. If you are going to chase a dream you are going to fail. The key is not letting failure stop you so that you can overcome failure to reach your dreams. There have been times in my life that I have failed and quit and there have been times that I have pressed on and achieved what was in my heart. I’m sure the same thing can be said for you.

As I look back on my journey, I have discovered some differences in my bounce rate on failure. So how do you go from defeated to a hopeful dream chaser again? As Winston Churchill said, “Success is going from failure to failure without the losing your enthusiasm.”

These 4 things will help you overcome failure to achieve your dreams.

Autopsy a Failure

This can be hard to do, however, is critical to learning from failure. Failure is good IF we learn from the situation. Often times it’s our expectations that are off and we need to address that otherwise we will have the feeling of failure more than we are actually failing. In other instances there are key mistakes that we made. Sometimes to know if we made a mistake we need to get an outside perspective because it’s too personal. Look back and see what went right and what went wrong and how you can fix the problem in the future.

To Overcome Failure to Reach your Dream Know Your Identity

We can over identify with failure and it leads to discouragement and worse yet it can cause us to give up. You are a son or daughter of the King of the Universe. No matter if you succeed or fail at something your identity never changes. This is so important because when we over emphasize failure or success we close our eyes and our ears to things we need to hear or see. When we know that we are righteous men and women of God regardless of our production, we bounce back from failure much faster.

Do You Need to Change Your Path?

We need to ask ourselves if we are on the right path when we fail. Sometimes I have failed because I don’t have the talent or ability to do something. I don’t want to dedicate the time and energy to become better. Sometimes I don’t want it bad enough. Ask yourself if you would chase the dream regardless of “success.” If you would even if it didn’t work out wipe those tears and get back up! If you wouldn’t chase the dream wipe those tears and try to find a dream you would and try that.

To Overcome Failure to Reach your Dreams Take a Break or get Busy

Sometimes when you “fail” you just need to take a break. I took a hiatus away from writing a few months after releasing my book. You can get it here. The launch didn’t go as planned and I was tired. I needed to take a break from writing to find my voice again. On another occasion when an editor told me I didn’t have what it takes to write, I wrote ten posts in a few days and got featured in Entrepreneur Magazine. Sometimes you will need to break for a season and it’s okay. Other times you need to put the pedal to the metal and get busy. Take some time to look inward and then do what you feel called to do.

When you fail and you will remember that it’s not who you are. You can rise from the ashes and be different. Be kind to yourself in these moments. Take some time to encourage another dreamer because we all could use it. Dream big, fail small, and never lose that glimmer of dream chaser in your eye.

What causes you to overcome failure to reach your dreams?

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4 Tips to Figure out Which Dream to Follow

Often we wait for answers that we won’t ever get. We wait for one hundred percent clarity. I was reminded of this today as the fog was thick on my way to work. I could sit there, but the reality is that I won’t have any better vision of what’s ahead by sitting still. The same is true for our dreams; clarity on the direction we should go happens when we move. We will not find out which dream to follow sitting still.

The uncomfortable truth is that direction is usually better seen looking back rather than forward. It’s uncomfortable because people crave certainty and the life of a dreamer chasing God’s direction is that faith is not certainty. Actually faith requires doubt otherwise it is certain.  

For many the roadblock to chasing dreams is two good paths. The options can be overwhelming and freeze our motion and send us into a spiral downward in the mind. It’s easy to get stuck in a back and forth battle one day choosing one option and the next a different. Multiple good options can lead to decision overload.

In Acts 15:28 it states, “It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us not to burden you with anything beyond the following requirements.” These early leaders were building foundation to modern day Christianity and they were deciding major doctrine. Their response is that they went with, “seemed good to the Holy Spirit and us.” Seemed good! If it would have been me, I would have waited until they knew it was good.

 In our search for direction, we want a path with no failure and zero setbacks. Sign me up for that one! However, the path looks a little scarier with lots of setbacks and failure. That’s a lot of why we don’t get shown the whole picture because we never would do it! Too many creepy mice and other scary things on that path. I’ll stay right here and wait on God.

When paths become available we need to do a few things to choose the “right” one.

There is NO Right Dream to Follow

The first rule is there is no RIGHT one. When we make a decision that isn’t a sin issue or an all-encompassing one, we give too much weight to the decision. Yes, I’m sure that it is important, but I don’t think that if you choose the wrong good option your world is over. If you go and it turns out to be “wrong” you can pick a new path. Maybe God wanted to teach you something on that path for a while. Most decisions are not final or fatal. Finally, if you go down the way a little bit and realize it’s not the dream you thought it was, just make a new decision. Shrink the size of the mountain to actually choose.

Ask God

Pray about it and seek God. The writer of Acts said that it seemed right to the Holy Spirit and to them. They were talking with God and did what they thought God was telling them to do. Listen more than you speak when you ask. Sometimes we ask and plead instead of asking Him and waiting for Him to speak. Asking God and doing what you think He is telling you is the only way to have joy and peace on your journey.

Get Council

There are people that have struggled with decisions and know you well. Ask them what they think and what they notice. It could be that you are actually excited about one career, but you’re scared. Your family or friends will be able to pick up on things like that. They can also tell you their stories about why they chose different jobs and what the messy middle was like before it worked out. Glean from experience and wisdom to help you make the decision.

With council, make sure that you don’t abdicate the decision to them and that you listen to God above all else.

Get Away to Figure Out What Dream to Follow

When making decisions I need time away by myself. This world is really noisy and it’s hard to get silence and solitude. However, it is super important to remove yourself from your environment to get a clear view and listening ears to hear God. The bigger the decision, the more time away from the noise I recommend. Get out of town, go for a hike, take long walks in the morning or evening, sit next to a river. There are many ways to get away; we just have to make time and space to do it. Get out of the noise to have clarity on the dream.

Shrink the size of the decision to get you moving, pray to God, ask wise people, and get alone with God. In the end, know when you are searching for certainty and when you’re using wisdom. Chase after God and you will be able to figure out what dream to follow in time. If you need more help reaching your dreams, my book goes into further detail and you can get that here.

What helps you figure out what dream to follow?

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4 Ways to Stay Connected With Your Spouse

I have now been dating and married to a few different women over the years. They happen to all be the same person, my high school sweetheart Rachel. Rachel has changed over the years and is very different then when we met. My wife and I started dating when we were seventeen years old. Seventeen years old was the height of maturity and knowledge if you would have asked us then. She was my first very awkward kiss and I was hers. No one warns you that you do not know what to do and you figure it out together. It worked out okay as she still likes to kiss me and I her. It takes focus to stay connected with your spouse.

There is a lot of physical, mental, and spiritual things to figure out as a couple. We have went through changes on an individual level, a buttload (actual measurement in case you are wondering) of changes and many of those things have brought us closer together and some of those things have been difficult. We are separate, yet one as a married couple. Yeah, I don’t get it either but it’s true.

Unity in marriage when two individuals are changing does not happen without intentionality.

These 4 things help to keep my wife and I connected in good and bad times.

Prayer

At first, I hated praying out loud with my bride. I wanted her to think as the leader of our relationship I knew what I was doing. I didn’t need to pray about it because I had all the answers. Surprisingly, I did not have a clue. Over the years we have prayed together more and more. I have realized she does not want a man that knows it all, she wants one that surrenders it all to God. We have grown together as we have prayed to the Creator together. Pray with your spouse to draw closer to God and each other.

Learning together helps keep you connected with your spouse

I just read a super impactful book for me called, Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer. My first thought was concern. I read it and it impacted me greatly in areas that affects my bride. That night we talked about how she could consume the information and talk about it. She doesn’t need to come to the same conclusions as me. Discussing various topics in a healthy manner brings connection with your spouse. I believe learning together is crucial to marriage. We attend coaching, conferences, and read similar books to help keep on the similar wavelength. We are not the same, but are growing together. Learn together to grow together.

Intimacy of time helps to keep you connected with your spouse

Spend quantity and quality time together. Every Friday we have a date night. Even with COVID, we just have changed to eating dinner in the bedroom with a makeshift table and chairs. We also have end of the day mini dates where we sit on the porch and talk about our days. How can you spend one on one time where you are engaged with each other and not zoned out on phones or TV? Set aside time to share life and learn about your partner; there is always more to discover. Relationship is built with time and there is no substitute for time well spent.

Physical

I have Olivia Newton John’s song in my head, “Let’s Get Physical”! Here is the point: It matters. It’s not everything, however, it’s not nothing.  Often men in particular start physically to connect in all areas. Guys, to expect this from your wife when you are not helping in other areas and connecting to her with time, prayer, and learning together is not a smart idea. She is more than just a physical being. Get to know her. My parents modeled a five second kiss growing up. When one of them got home they would kiss for five seconds. It was enough time to actually be in the moment together. Physical is not just sex. It’s also hugging, holding hands, kissing. Physical contact helps to unite a couple. How can you overcome tiredness and come together as husband and wife?

Word of warning on all these things. Forcing your spouse to do any of these things is a sure-fire way to fight with them. Pray for them and reach out with ideas telling them how important it is to you. In the end, they still get to be their own person and decide. My bride waited patiently for me to pray with her. It took longer than I would like to admit. Pray together, learn important things together, spend time, and get physical even when you are tired. Have patience with your spouse as they walk their own journey. Do your part to love your spouse the way he or she is today!

What helps you to stay connected with your spouse?

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How Prayers of Gratitude Change our Lives

If we are going to achieve the dreams that God has for us, a prayer life that is filled with gratitude is essential. I find nothing changes my gratitude than prayers of gratitude. I was reminded of this by my ducks that are outside our kitchen door. Yes, I wrote about turkeys and being anchored and now ducks that remind me of prayer. Farm nerd alert.

The ducks are hilarious waddling around, remove slugs, and provide us with eggs for baking. A win, win. There is a couple things about ducks that I didn’t know before I got them. One is they are all kinds of messy, but that’s nothing a little wood chips can’t fix. However, there is one thing that can be really tiring that can teach us all a few things.

I wake up before sunrise and my routine is to start coffee and have some set aside time to pray, read, and study with God. It’s one of my favorite parts of the day. Nevertheless that has been changed with the introduction of the ducks.

Isn’t it amazing when ducks fly way up in the sky and we can hear them quacking to each other? What a cool sight and sound when walking in nature they look like specs and are chatting away. It’s the sound of the fall and spring migration. When you put ducks twenty yards from your home it’s not such a majestic sound of the change of seasons. It sounds more like a mac truck.

Every time I move in the house these quackers go bonkers letting me know they are ready for their day’s meal. It is so noisy, I’m worried they will wake up my kids. So many mornings I wander out there in the dark to give them their meal just to shut them up. Their cuteness is keeping them off the dinner table for now.

What ticks me off is I have fed them every morning and evening. They have never went hungry or thirsty and yet won’t shut up about their “lack.”

Prayer life with gratitude matters

I can be like those ducks. I talk to God like He is going to forget to care for me and my dreams. My lack of trust shows in my lousy attitude. I have missed out on blessings in front of me because I’m too busy making sure God knows I need something. QUACK! How about you? Are you tempted to gripe and complain instead of being filled with gratitude and hope?

Prayer life that is filled with gratitude matters and not just because we are trying to avoid being roasted duck. And yes I’m thinking about cooking up the quack attack. We are not trying to annoy God less. He doesn’t view us like I view the quacken. The heart of prayers of gratitude is to see what God is doing and to open our eyes to opportunity. It is also to have vision to see others and a heart that is connected to God.

Prayers of Gratitude helps us see what God is already doing

When we come to our Father in Heaven with grumbly spirits, we are blind to the good things in our lives. Bringing our problems to God is a great thing; He wants to hear your heart. However, when all we do is complain to God, that is no longer a healthy conversation but a skewed perspective. I tend to see problems which is great for restoring, but it can lead me into a depressive mindset. Spending time in prayer telling God what I’m grateful for turns my grumble into praise. He has done so much in my life no matter how bad my circumstances have been. I’m sure the same thing is true for your life as well. Gratitude allows us to see what He is doing.

Prayers of Gratitude Opens us to opportunity

All too often we are closed off to the opportunities around us. When we grumble and complain we fixate on what we don’t have. Just like complaining and grumbling blinds us to what God is doing in our lives, it also causes us to not see where He may be leading us. When we focus on what we don’t have, we focus on scarcity instead of having a vision of abundance. Gratitude changes our gaze from what God hasn’t done (yet) to what He has done and with that perspective we will be able to see the abundant opportunity around us.

Helping others

When we have a grumbly heart we become very self-centered. Our thoughts become about nothing but our problems or in my ducks’ case, their food. Our dreams and visions are important, however, when it becomes an all consuming pout session, we miss the hurting people around us. Dreams that honor God give Him the glory and are about helping other people. Prayers of gratitude focus us on others and serving them. If you want to learn more about God honoring dreams, there is this book.

Connection with God

Prayer at it’s roots is connecting us in relationship to the Savior of the world. Gratitude connects our hearts to Him, instead of connecting to our problems. Similarly how gratitude focuses us on the people around us, gratitude also focuses on God and His goodness. Bringing our problems to God is important. When it’s all of the time though, it’s like treating God more like a genie in a bottle than our Heavenly Father. Thank God for what He is doing in your life, thank Him in advance for what He will do.

Go to God in prayer of gratitude and your circumstances will not change overnight, however, your perspective will change. Eyes of faith will be open; eyes to see what God has done and will do. When we have hearts overflowing with gratitude we focus on relationship with God and others instead of ourselves. In time, perspective change will change and our focus on relationships will change our lives.

How does prayer of gratitude change you?