Scared and Scarred

Zechariah Newman —  April 11, 2016 — Leave a comment

Eyes fixated on my strengths and weakness I sit here wondering if I am able.

The unknown

photo: KCNewman Photography

I am scared and scarred.

I bear scars from others and myself. Words have scared me spoken in anger or jealousy. Actions have cut deep whether they were intended to or not. Thoughts of unworthiness consume my mind. Wishing I was someone different, maybe stronger or bolder somehow. Wishing I was able to do what I feel God calling me toward, but with my eyes; I don’t see how it’s possible. I can’t see it, and I get tempted not even to try. Fearful and used, I don’t see how He can use a broken vessel like me. Sure I see Him use others, but I am different.

It as if I forget who I serve. I remember this morning that I serve Jehovah Rapha (The Lord that heals). I forget that He heals the sick and comforts the broken-hearted. I forget that He makes the weak strong. I forget that it is Him who heals ME! That He whispers for us to step out of the boat with our scares and all. Throwing our leg over the side and locking eye with Him. Not even conscious of the impossible feat but focused on His goodness, grace, and mercy. Stepping out of the boat and walking on water, yet simply strolling with the King. Walking on water should be impossible, yet Peter did it.

He whispers to YOU to see the invisible and do the impossible. He takes our scares and says, “Give it to me! Stop holding on to what I have already redeemed. Stop trying to do it on your own or earn your way in. Stop trying to be worthy. Just follow me.”

It never was mine to bear, and it is never yours. We will never be able to do what He calls us to. We will always need Him to walk on water, yet He is always whispering for us to get out of the boat. Over our heads without Him and that’s what we are made for.

We are not supposed to be in this box. The box is put there by us. Not near the shore but out in the reckless waves. We are not meant to be in the comfort and confines of our strength but in this area that we shouldn’t be able to do in a million years. We are called to slay giants, to restore the land. Called to seek and save the lost. That doesn’t happen when we are focused on fear and failure but when we are concentrated on the one that makes us able.

Work on your strengths know your weakness but don’t forget the goal. The goal will always be Christ, and He crucified. We fill our lives up and chase the mission instead of the mission provider. He is our all, and He is everything. When we forget that we get out of alignment and feel nothing but scarred and scared. It is in Him that all is made new. It is in Him that all is made able. Trust Him and you will be in a state of awe on your journey. Because after all the journey isn’t about you…

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