I’m Failing at Being a Husband, Father, and Entreprenuer

Zechariah Newman —  March 21, 2016 — 10 Comments

I’m failing as a husband, father, business owner, and personally. Every area of my life on the outside looks pretty close to perfect but on the inside I suck. I don’t give my kids enough attention. My wife’s needs to connect emotionally are left unmet. I’m impatient, angry, and depressed. The accuser is always quick to point out all my failures. I never realized life would be this hard, it looks so easy for everyone else. I always thought I would be successful; I thought things would come easy for me.That success would fill empty places, I thought people that weren’t succeeding where just lazy. I was cocky, and life has smacked me back to reality. I expected  perfection from myself. My expectations for myself have not been close to how I have performed. I suck if all I listen to are the thoughts that roar inside my mind when I fail.

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Photo by: KCNewman Photography

Perfection myth. The imposter would like you to believe that perfection is attainable. That somehow one day we will try hard enough and fix enough about ourselves that we won’t fail. Those other people have it together, and you don’t. That somehow the genetic father and dad gene skipped over you and me. I’m falling short of perfection, and that’s ok. I’m failing because I fall short of the expectation for myself that have in my mind. The standard the Bible calls me toward. I’m failing because I’m not Superman. I fail and instead of a comforting voice telling me it’s ok the imposter inside of me laughs. That voice inside my head and yours probably too. That accusatory voice is whispering into our ears thoughts of unworthiness and it never stops. Juggling all our responsibilities and relationships, we are bound to drop things. When we let go of a ball is when the imposter starts in on us. Not acknowledging when we do things correctly our mind is our biggest critic. The imposter that says to close myself off from those I love. The imposter that says we should hide failure and pretend that we have it all together.

Hope. There’s hope, though. There’s hope if we refuse to quit! There’s hope because we will keep aiming to be a man of honor and integrity. If we want to be a man that fights for their family and loves them well. A husband and father that is Patient, Kind and understanding is the bar that we must set. We desire to be the business owner that is a sacrificial leader. If we want to be that man, we must never quit. There is hope if we keep trying and keep failing forward. We must refuse to give up. We must refuse to stop aiming high to the standard that the Bible points us toward. We must commit to ignore the imposter that wants to get us to stop trying. We must continue to aim at being the sacrificial man our family needs and deserves. There’s hope because we keep learning and growing. Hope because Jesus makes us whole not our performance.

Failing Forward. We must be comfortable with failure. We must come from a place of aiming high and realizing it is only God that gives us what we need to get there. We must acknowledge our imperfection. It is Jesus and His death and resurrection that complete us. He makes us Righteous but we will never be perfect until heaven. Perfection is a myth; surrender is what is required. Philippians 4:13 “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” We will not reach the goal, but we must press on. We must press through. We must never give up.

So even though we say to ourselves we are unworthy and a failure. We can stand in TRUTH that we are made worthy through the shed blood of the lamb, not in goals reached or in less struggle. That to have it all we must surrender it all. 2 Corinthians 12: 9-11 says, “But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” That if this is true it is never about us but always about Him. Be blessed on your journey as you trust Jesus and His shaping in your life.

Do you struggle with feeling like a failure after failure?

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  • Great post, Zechariah! You are one of the few people I know who openly talk about the imposter. Simply naming him begins to take away his power, and articles like yours shine a light on how we can beat him for good.

  • I agree the Imposter wants to defeat us, but I also believe that if everyday we strive to put God first, family second, and business third, we can’t help but get better every day.

    I know it sounds simplistic, but every morning I try to refocus on these priorities. Amazingly, by God’s grace, I’ve slowly grown go be a better man, a better husband, a better father, and a better businessman. By no means am I perfect, but I am proud of how much I’ve grown over the years by God’s grace. And the key, for me, has been simply reminding myself every day of getting these three priorities in the right order: 1) God first, 2) Family second, 3) Business third.

    I hesitate sharing this because I don’t want to sound like I have it all together. I don’t! But through God’s grace I continue to “live it forward” my most important roles. Sometimes we make it much harder than it needs to be. Focusing on the right, simple things day in and day out leads to victory through God’s grace.

    • Never hesitate to share:) I have found we all try to over complicate the simple. The simplistic power of priority is life changing…
      I know it’s changed my life.

      We will never arive but we who live it forward will always be better then we use to be. 🙂

      • “We will never arrive but we who live it forward will always be better then we use to be. :)”

        You couldn’t have said it any better!

  • Thanks Zech. I really appreciate your honesty and transparency. I relate to everything you’re saying. I am in a stage of life where I’m trying to build a side business with a few different part-time jobs, and I’m not giving anything the attention it deserves. I keep hearing about “hustle” but at some point you can hustle too hard, you know? I’m trying to focus on the most important things and keep God and family first. Thanks for the reminder to keep it real and focus on priorities.

    And Kent, I think you hit the nail on the head: sometimes we make it much harder than it needs to be. I overthink everything. I’m slowly learning to take action on what I know, rather than always looking for more input and knowledge about something.

    • Thanks Kent I appreciate it. I think you can and you probably do over hustle;) …and stop being so hard on yourself:) your a good man.

  • I agree with all the points and stuff you just said over here.