I Feel Like A Fake!

Zechariah Newman —  August 17, 2014 — 26 Comments

I feel like a fake. All of this talk of chasing your dream, pressing into God, and putting your family first and I struggle. I struggle with having patience and keeping my family in the proper order. I struggle with trusting God with His timing and His plan for my life. I struggle sometimes with anger toward God. I struggle with resentment toward my wonderful children.

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Photo by: KCNewman photography

I never once want you to think that I am the man with the answers. I have few and most of the time I wonder who am I to write advice to others? I often believe my dream will never happen and wonder what is wrong with me.

I struggle with self-hatred and feelings of being unworthy of the call that I feel tugging at my heart. If you struggle with this you are not alone. As a Christian, sometimes we feel we have to have answers. This is so foolish; only God has the answers and only God can bring my dream into fruition. Yet, I struggle thinking I must have a magic bullet and I have to write the words to inspire someone into action.

If I just work hard enough or get the right person to tweet my work, it will fall in line. That somehow my work will magically matter to millions. That with the right uppercut, I will have a knock out and see that ray of sunshine. That God will say, “Well done good and faithful son whom I am well pleased.”

I struggle with trying to please God instead of trusting in His beauty. Instead of basking in His presence, in this moment, I wonder what is wrong with me. Why can’t I get it right?

It is not as hard as you and I make it. It is simple and it is easy if we let Him. If we allow God to take the yoke, it is easy. What if being His son or daughter really was enough? What if trusting God is all we need? What if…

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I believe this is the Truth. God loves you and I the way we are today. He wants you to mature, but will never love you more than He does today. I believe that God already says well done! I struggle, however, I believe! Lord raise our eyes to ONLY You! Not some fake, pretend relationship, rather an authentic and real one. One that can admit that I don’t always trust You and that I can cry out in anger and pain. A relationship that’s bigger than playing church, rooted and transformed by surrendering to the cross. Overwhelm us this week with Your presence. Be blessed on your journey.

Do you believe?

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  • Well said Zechariah, There for a minute I thought were writing about me. (In away you were). We can’t earn God’s love but each day we are to move closer to living that image of Christ. My obedience is my step of faith. As I step out in that discipline the Holy Spirit will do the real work and bring about the real change. I am so thankful that everyday is a chance for a new beginning in His grace and mercy.

  • Bob Fraser

    Amen Jon, everyday is a new beginning. I think our biggest regrets in life are not the things we did wrong but the things we didn’t do, like sharing Jesus when we had the opportunity. My new prayer everyday is that I courageously proclaim the name of Jesus, but I sure need a lot of help from the Holy Spirit to do this. I had an amazing encounter with God twenty-five years ago and I just finished writing a book about it. I’m not a writer but God told me to write it anyway, it was time to share my testimony of being a “prodigal son” and how God restored me and gave me a second chance. The book is called “The God of Second Chances.” In writing this book I’m hoping to make up for all the times I didn’t share my testimony when I had the opportunies to do so.

    • Awesome Bob! Is the book available yet?

    • I always find it challenging when you look at all the challenges the Apostle Paul went through there were only two things he asked prayer for. – That doors would be open for him to preach the gospel and that he could preach with boldness. Let me know when your book is available.

  • Jemelene

    “I struggle with trying to please God instead of trusting in His beauty. Instead of basking in His presence, in this moment, I wonder what is wrong with me. Why can’t I get it right?”
    Me too Zech! It’s a moment by moment act of trusting isn’t it?

    • So is Jemelene! My worker bee mentality wants to turn it in to a badge system though;) trusting Him in this moment!

  • I love this post, it was so open and humbly powerful. If we live our lives knowing we are not the answer then He, the only real answer can shine through us.

  • Bob Fraser

    Zechariah, my book “The God of Second Chances” will be ready to go to print in 2-3 weeks. I just sent it to my editor this week. I’m using CreateSpace to print the physical book and it will be available on Kindle. My editor is going to help me format it for kindle. I need a lot of help with the whole process, it’s all new to me.

  • Zech, we can all relate to this brother! I firmly believe the Lord honors action and you will see rewards.

  • I know it can sound cheesy, but work as if it all depends on you and pray as if it all depends on God. If you do this every day, you can wrap up every day knowing you’ve lived well.

    • Amen Kent. Totally agree!

    • Samir

      I agree, but i think that the thing a lot of people struggle with is that they do not know what to work on or how to work

      • Three suggestion Samir:

        * For WHAT, ask yourself what the next logical step is and take that step
        * For HOW, find others who are doing it and learn from them

        * BIGGEST IDEA: Movement is half the battle. And moving forward ends up answering both the what and how questions. Learn along the journey.

        • I agree Kent, exactly what i have learned/still learning. Take the next step, learn hard and many things fall in place as I walk along.

          • Agree to what you are all saying: just putting one foot in front of the other means movement. And that’s what it takes.

    • Great advice Kent!

  • Hey Zech. I think all of us have been at where you’re at now. Sure, I feel at times I’m a fake too. All these posts and not being able to live it out 100% of the time. But I operate under the belief that God, the Author and Creator of our lives, loves me so much. Even though I mess up, He loves me and with that unwavering assurance, I try to live a more intentional life brother.

  • Thanks for sharing this, Zech. I feel this way a lot. There are so many out there trying to do similar things and it’s easy to get caught in comparison or isolation or just a feeling that we’re not doing enough. I guess I’ve learned to just take day by day and learn to trust God as if my life depend on it. You’re doing it bro. Keep going.

    • Thanks Dave! Complete surrender and trust in god is not for wimps;)