I feel like a fake. All of this talk of chasing your dream, pressing into God, and putting your family first and I struggle. I struggle with having patience and keeping my family in the proper order. I struggle with trusting God with His timing and His plan for my life. I struggle sometimes with anger toward God. I struggle with resentment toward my wonderful children.
Photo by: KCNewman photography
I never once want you to think that I am the man with the answers. I have few and most of the time I wonder who am I to write advice to others? I often believe my dream will never happen and wonder what is wrong with me.
I struggle with self-hatred and feelings of being unworthy of the call that I feel tugging at my heart. If you struggle with this you are not alone. As a Christian, sometimes we feel we have to have answers. This is so foolish; only God has the answers and only God can bring my dream into fruition. Yet, I struggle thinking I must have a magic bullet and I have to write the words to inspire someone into action.
If I just work hard enough or get the right person to tweet my work, it will fall in line. That somehow my work will magically matter to millions. That with the right uppercut, I will have a knock out and see that ray of sunshine. That God will say, “Well done good and faithful son whom I am well pleased.”
I struggle with trying to please God instead of trusting in His beauty. Instead of basking in His presence, in this moment, I wonder what is wrong with me. Why can’t I get it right?
It is not as hard as you and I make it. It is simple and it is easy if we let Him. If we allow God to take the yoke, it is easy. What if being His son or daughter really was enough? What if trusting God is all we need? What if…
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I believe this is the Truth. God loves you and I the way we are today. He wants you to mature, but will never love you more than He does today. I believe that God already says well done! I struggle, however, I believe! Lord raise our eyes to ONLY You! Not some fake, pretend relationship, rather an authentic and real one. One that can admit that I don’t always trust You and that I can cry out in anger and pain. A relationship that’s bigger than playing church, rooted and transformed by surrendering to the cross. Overwhelm us this week with Your presence. Be blessed on your journey.
Do you believe?
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