When we read the Bible and the rich stories about people in it, it is so easy to skim over major failures, set backs, and emotions. As readers we have the advantage of the 30,000 foot view-point instead of being in the moment on the ground. The people who God chose to use continues to astound and amaze me. Murderers, cowards, prostitutes, and adulterers. God even uses a donkey to speak. He says that even the rocks will cry out in Luke 19:40. Here is the whole point: God uses the foolish things of this world. He is just looking for willing hearts.
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In the moment do you think these men and women felt powerful and full or discouraged and useless. I will go with the second one. I don’t picture Moses killing a man and thinking, “It’s ok guys. God is going to use me in a mighty way to lead His people into the promise land and out of bondage of the Egyptians.” In fact when God calls to Him he makes a lot of excuses why he is the wrong guy for the job. Likewise, I don’t see David after sleeping with Bathsheba and then sending her husband to be killed thinking, “Yes I am a man after God’s own heart.” He fell on his face when the prophet Samuel called him out for his actions. That was probably the lowest of days for these two men.
Don’t get me wrong we should not continue in our sin. The people I am talking about didn’t either. They did repent and fall at the feet of God. They faced consequences for actions, but God used them in their weakness. He can use you in your weakness too. Willing hearts submitted to His will. It is this simple yet our flesh makes it so hard.
You and I will never be good enough. When we accept Christ we fully acknowledge this, but somehow over time we start to get this silly idea that if we just tweak this or move that then we will be good enough. Believe that Jesus really did die for all of your sin. Lay it at the foot of the cross and dwell no more. Repent and turn in action. You are not going to chase your dream if you feel unworthy of it. So forgive yourself for the past even if the past is earlier today. Be blessed on your journey.
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