Dating Your Spouse

Zechariah Newman —  September 24, 2013 — 2 Comments

Life goes 100 mph. Throw kids, stressful jobs, volunteering, and one hundred other things in and it is so easy to put the relationship with your spouse on hold. Here are 5 things you must be doing to have a thriving marriage. I want to focus on #3 and #5 which is “work at it” and “you are their only shot.” Close your eyes for a minute and remember when you first met your spouse. You would do anything to spend time with them. I would talk to my wife for hours each week on the phone. I would stay up way too late with her. I would watch any chick flick she wanted. She went fly fishing and hiking with me. We would do all kinds of things with each other. It is not easy to keep the fire stoked with passion. Whether we like to admit it or not, I think we all start to take time with our spouses for granted. These 3 things help me to date my wife.


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1. Turn off the phone. Is it sad that this is really hard for me? Cell phones are an ADD person’s dream now a days. I struggle with not looking at it while my wife, Rachel is talking to me. It is more of a habit than anything. I have found I need to turn off the phone or remove it from around me. It is impossible to connect when we are not fully in the moment. By being on your phone you and I are not multi tasking. We are just doing both poorly. It is impossible to give all of ourselves to our spouse when part of our consciousness is focused on something else. You are not engaging with your spouse. Repeating what they say is not the same as listening, so I have been told a time or two.

2. Ask questions. If you think you know your husband or wife fully, I would say you are fooling yourself. I am still learning about Rachel because she is changing. We are not the same people we were when we got married. I bet your spouse has changed too. I asked Rachel, “What could I do so that you feel like we connect?” She told me, “Turn off all technology when we are by ourselves.” A question she asked me last week is, ” Did you picture your wife staying at home or working?” What is important and healthy about these things is that we are pursuing each other and asking questions. Keep exploring who your husband or wife is. I will still be finding out who Rachel is when our hair is gray and our bodies frail.

3. What do they like to do? Do you know what your husband or wife likes to do? Rachel likes to shop. I loath shopping. She also loves concerts and I’m indifferent to them. I love football and the outdoors. Rachel likes those things, but not nearly to the degree I do. Certain activities we want to do alone, but we need to do some things together. Men try shopping with your wife without looking at your watch and looking agitated the whole time. Participate with them and tell them what you like when they try it on. Ladies try watching the big game and not talking. Men don’t need to talk, especially during a play. For most men just doing something together is all we need.

These three things help me to be a pursuer of my wife. Two becoming one takes a lifetime. Don’t be complacent where you are. Make it a priority to connect with each other again. Date your spouse. Be blessed on your journey.

What do you do to keep dating your spouse?

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  • Tiya Craven

    I like your ideas here…I am glad Jake and I don’t have smart phones, I know we would struggle. We went on at date to Olive Garden a few months ago to find that every single table around us the people were on their phones. Other couples out on a date…group of girls having a girls night. It was like we were in another world. We do struggle with looking up from our computers (that are constantly calling our names) when the other is talking. We just need a reminder sometimes. I also like the suggestion you had for watching a football game. I seriously thougth it was something that only bothered Jake (when I would talk during the game)…even if I am talking about the game…I really have no idea what I am talking about. But its good to know that if I just sit there (or chase the kids around and sit when I can) that is enough for him. 🙂

    • Communication is key Tiya, good point. I know it is odd for wives. Men are much different. My dad and I can not talk for hours and feel closer. Jake is not weird just a dude:) thanks for your insight Tiya.